Me: Hey what up Judy B.? Hung out with a pal from college. She got married to her first boyfriend, 20 years later.

They met in high school and he dumped her, got married, had a kid, and then 20 years later, found her on Facebook 

and now they are married. Of course they're in love. It was fun to watch this totally strong woman

walk around the house on her tippy toes, playing wife, making sure he had his dinner ( enchiladas) and beer etc...

I'm surprised she did not have him running around her. She even made me stop talking for a moment ( she never does that) cause he was trying to get a word across. He's not very talk-a-tive - -he's like a baby turtle with conversation -- delicate. I've seen it happen to so many friends ... they totally change for the man, or were they always waiting for a man to wait on? Is it 'waiting on a man' or am I being immature? Is she just showing him she loves him? I guess so, but for an instant, I didn't like being chided, but then I got over it..... I really do talk too much.

Judy: You're a f-ing big mouth. Why not shut up for a minute?

the guy said you're a funny girl, that's me, I just keep

them in stiches

Verbal Abuse

"Judy, it's been a long time since I really exercised my vocal chords and had a real down and dirty verbal fuck you and your mother fight with someone.  These spats were usually reserved for the editor's of Omni Magazine ( now defunt), my sister ( sadly still in the same zip code), and the makers of Sergio Valenti Jeans (now available only in Seirra Leone and Haiti). Just recently I got into a fight with someone I was working with. I was so mad I wanted to kill, but all I could do was scream and use the ugliest words I knew! Words like Fuck, Shit, and Asshole --which were not as cathartic as they used to be since all the good expletives have worked their way into everyday life and the National Anthems of several emerging nations. So I had to resort to some original stuff."

"Let me hear it, this is going to be good."

"Okay Judy, here goes, after about 30 Fuck You's, I told this guy that he was Shit On Toilet Paper, then to make it even worse, I said he was Shit On Toilet Paper that was stuck to my shoe."

"That's the best you could do?"

"Well yeah."

"Sounds like you're out of practice but I have the solution. I think you need to spend a couple of weeks as a substitute teacher in an inner city school. That's a great environment to pick up some real verbal fighting skills, ---hardcore street stuff, words that would make a grown man cry. Where else do you think I came up with my all time favorites insults like "Frittata Head" and "Baboon Ass?" Next time you get into a scrap, page me, text me, I'll pick up and help, --it's what I'm here for."

"Thanks Judy, you have outdone yourself as usual."

I need a Marathon bar right now.