Morning Ritual

me: Judy, when did you realize that you were getting older?

judy: Well, let me see, my husband and I used to have a morning ritual when we were younger --I'd wake up on Sunday morn and give him his weekly blow-job/hand job with his Sunday paper. Forty years later, the only thing that's hot and glazed around our house on Sunday mornings are the dozen donuts we eat instead. Contrary to popular belief and every edition of Cosmopolitan magazine ( which is really just the same magazine for 30 years), a really good donut is a viable option to sex, according to the Oprah 'ragzine. Trust me, Oprah's had a lot of sex and a lot of donuts.

me: How's your husband taking it?

judy: Not too bad. If he pokes his thing through about six maple frosted donuts, I might be tempted to go near it.

me: Wow Judy, you're a strong and powerful woman. I'm honored to be your sidekick.